Cuckoo Conference
by The Evil Chipmunk
Summary: A press conference is held at Hyrule Castle concerning the OoT characters, what will happen? Will Ganon wreak havoc? Will Zelda beat Malon and Ruto for Link? Just a short fic like the Kirby one, ;P Enjoy!


A/N & Disclaimer: I do not own Zelda, OoT or any other of the absolutely *FANTASTIC* games...... Another stupid fic, this one written by me, with help from my friend ;P Hope you like!

  
  
  
  


It was a beautiful day in Hyrule. The sun was shining, there was a soft breeze and the birds were singing. In a private press room on the far side of Hyrule Castle the day is early, as an already out of control press conference is underway. The conference is concerning the famous characters of 'The Legend of Zelda's: Ocarina of Time'. So far everyone is getting along and no one has cracked down under the endless sea of flashes and questions. Let our story begin. . . . 

  
  
  
  


A camera flashes.

"Mr. Link! How does it feel to be the "Hero of Time"?

Link winces as Princess Zelda's arm squeezes his firmly, "it feels great. But at times extremely painful." Zelda shot him a glare.

"Link is more than happy to be the savior of Hyrule," Zelda purrs. Malon, sitting on the other side of Link, rolls her eyes.

She leans over to whisper to Link, "hey, why don't you lose her and come riding with me later?" Link hesitates and is saved by the next question.

"Ms. Zelda! Is your job as Princess full of pressure?"

Zelda smiles, "why of course, the pressure is horrendous at times, being the leader of a great nation, having to pull through for your people...... Honestly, I don't get enough credit."

More flashes.

"Mr. Ganon! Yes, um, how does it feel to be the bad guy? Are you really that evil?"

At this Ganon, who was sitting at the end of the table, folding his arms and sneering in absolute disgust, breaks down into uncontrollable sobs.

"I AM NOT EVIL! *SOB* I'm just misunderstood....... *HICK* Can you imagine what my childhood must have been like?! I was the only male!! *SOB* I had no friends...... YOU'RE ALL SO MEAN!!!!!" At this the media quiets for mere seconds.

Ganon stands and slams his fist on the table, his face a mass of tears, "I WILL NOT STAND FOR THIS!!! I DO *NOT* HAVE TO SUBJECTED TO THIS CRUEL AND INHUMANE TREATMENT!!!! I AM *LEAVING*!" He turns to the rest of the characters, who are staring up at the enraged Gerudo King. Zelda calmly sips her water.

"You have not seen the last of me! I'll be back!!" He laughs his eery sinister laugh and stomps out of the room.

A camera flashes.

"Ms. Malon! Is it true that your bedroom is plastered with Link pictures?"

Malon blushes profusely as Link and Zelda stare at her, Zelda in rage, Link in questioning. She laughs nervously, "Hahahahaha! You know how it is! He- he- he's my hero! He helped me get the ranch back! They aren't what you would think they are!! I'm not some kind of freak stalker!!! Eh heh heh heh......." She takes a gulp of her water and stares at the table, her face getting redder and redder.

A camera flashes.

"Ms. Ruto! Has your father given you permission to marry Link?"

Ruto opens her mouth to speak, but Zelda stands abruptly, "of course not! They're too different species! They can't *marry*!! Besides, Link is destined to be with me," she smiles triumphantly as she sits.

Ruto looks a little red around the gills, as she stares daggers at the princess, "what do you mean "destined to you?!" Excuse me, but Link took *my* engagement ring!! He's destined to me!" Both princesses stand and glare. Link sighs and puts his head on the table. He thanks the goddesses that Malon hasn't said anything.

"Hey, excuse me! Aren't you forgetting someone?" Link groans as he feels Malon stand and join the argument.

A camera flashes. 

"You spoiled brat!!"

"You dumb blonde!!"

"You're *both* idiot princesses!!"

"Well at least *I* don't live on a ranch and only have one dress!!!"

""Well at least I have a father who *trusts* me!!"

Zelda becomes infuriated and lunges. The three women get into a cloud of dust and fists and feet can be seen at odd intervals. Link groans louder as camera's flash.

"Mr. Link how does it feel to have so much attention?"

"Who do you like more?"

"Which one *will* you marry?"

"I'm not marrying *any* of them if they keep acting like this......." Link feels a tug on his tunic. He blinks and looks down to see Saria looking up at him, a sadness in her eyes. 

"What is it Saria?"

"They are upsetting me. Could you do something to stop them?" Link stares at the little girl. Her eyes grow big and sparkly, "please Link? I need to get back to my temple and this fight was not in my schedule."

Link sighs and stands, drawing his bow and arrow he aims it at the cloud of dust.

"You're the most spoiled being I've ever met!!"

"Well, you look hideous!!"

"Zelda you have a horrible sense of fashion!"

"Shut up horse-girl!"

"Quiet!!!!!" Link releases the arrow, which sails nicely through the fight, hitting the wall. All three girls stop and stare at Link and the reporters. 

"Link? What was that for?"

"Be quiet and sit down so we can continue." He sits and faces the stunned media with a determined look on his face. The three girls glare at each other before taking their seats, plastering fake smiles on their faces.

A camera flashes.

"Mr Link! After everything you've been through, what scares you the most?"

Link frowns slightly as he thinks back, "well, that time with the Bio-electric Anemone was scary but, it wasn't too tough..... hmmm..... let's see...... hmmm AHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!"

Zelda grasps Links arm at his outburst, "Link?! What is it?!"

The Hero of Time is going pale, cold sweat appearing as his mouth hangs open and his pupils dilate in fear.

"Cu- Cuckoos..... CUCKOOS! OH GODDESSES THE CUCKOOS!!!!!!!!!! THEY'RE AFTER ME AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Link puts his hands to his head, writhing in pain.

Zelda glares at Malon, "see what your stupid ranch has done to my Link? Your stupid cuckoos have terrorized him! He'll be scarred for life!"

"CUCKOOS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"It's not *my* fault cuckoos don't take well to strangers!" 

Zelda huffs and takes Link, helping him outside, "you stay here, we'll be back."

"That is so not fair....."

A camera flashes.

******

"Link? Link?"

Link's eyes are rolled up into his head and he's still ranting about cuckoos. Zelda's face sets in grim determination.

"LINK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" She slaps him, "SNAP. OUT. OF. IT!!!!!!!!!!!" Link's face has glove prints now and his eyes return to normal.

"Zelda?"

"They are *not* going to get you, you idiot!! Really, we *have* to get you a counselor for this phobia of yours. Now, do you think you can calm down and go back in there like the Hero of Time you are?"

Link nods and swallows. 

"Good." Zelda flips her hair and returns to the door of the private room. She exhales, inhales, exhales and then swings open the door, a collected smile on her face and a calm Link behind her.

She winks at Malon who goes red with fury. 

A camera flashes.

"Mr. Link, do you tink Ganon is planning some diabolical plot at this very moment?"

"I believe that Ganon could be doing anything at this very moment, planning a diabolical plot is probably the most likely. In fact, he's probably plotting some diabolical way to end this press conference and get his revenge." Link ends with a tone of satisfaction as the media goes silent.

*****

Outside, the clouds are darkening and gathering over Hyrule Castle. The birds stop singing and take shelter as the breeze grows stronger. In Gerudo Valley Ganon laughs his eery sinister laugh.

"I'll get my revenge...... sweet sweet revenge........"

A camera flashes.

"So at this very moment Ganon may come waltzing in here to wreak havoc on all of us?" A frightened reporter asks.

"Well, yes. He *is* the evil character, after all." Zelda takes a sip of her water. Suddenly thunder booms and lightning strikes. The door slams open and Ganon waltzes in laughing sinisterly as scared reporters shriek and scurry around.

"YOU FOOLS!!! You think you can embarrass me and get away with it?! HA!! You will all suffer!!!!!!!"

Link pulls his sword and shield, leaping over the table, "GANON!!!!!! Don't you hurt one of these completely pathetic and misguided reporters!!! They're only doing their job!!!"

Ganon smirks and folds his arms, "really? Well then wouldn't it be alright to say that, I'm just doing my job?"

Link clenches his teeth and prepares to attack. Zelda shrieks and grabs his arm, "LINK YOU CAN'T FIGHT HERE!!!!!!!" 

Link doesn't take his eyes off Ganon, "Don't worry Zelda, I'll be ok."

"No, not that, you idiot! The Castle!! I can't let you fight here, you'll break something!" 

Link gives her an incredulous look and yanks his arm away, "you *are* a dumb blonde! Zelda, do you *want* these innocent people hurt?"

Zelda begins to cry, "Link, I- I-" Link lunges towards Ganon, leaving Zelda to collapse against the table. Malon and Ruto drag her away.

Link brings his sword down and hits nothing. Ganon laughs as Link jumps away from the energy shield he generated. 

"Ganon!! Fight like a man!!" Link shouts as frightened reporters flee from the room.

"If you want me to, Link," Ganon pulls out a sword and lunges, taking Link off-guard. His eyes widen as he falls to the ground and blocks the blow by mere seconds. Ganon smirks.

Link attempts to knock him away but fails. Link is thinking about surrendering when the back door bursts open and a shadow figure runs forward, tackling Ganon. Link stands and grips his sword.

"LINK YOU IDIOT!!!! WHAT ARE YOU THINKING?! YOU CAN'T TAKE ON GANON BY YOURSELF AT THIS STAGE OF THE GAME!!!!!" Link groaned. Of course......

Sheik a.k.a. Zelda stood and brushed off her skintight Sheikah outfit. Ganon was lying dazed on the floor. The room was empty by now and Sheik a.k.a. Zelda glared at Link. 

"So, what are you going to do about Ganon?" Link asks innocently.

Sheik a.k.a. Zelda nudges the Gerudo Kings unconscious body with her foot and takes off her head wrap, bringing out a cell phone, "this is Zelda. Yes, the conference is over. Yes..... yes.... I know, yes.... that's understandable.... yes, yes, I know. Umhmm...... Yes. I want him out of here, take him back to the valley. No, it's too early. No, Link still has two more temples, it's not possible. Yes, alright. Ok then, take care of it." She disconnects.

"Link, please leave before there are any more incidents. I'll see you at the next temple. This conference was a success."

Link looks at her shock, "success?! How was it a success?!"

"Because I beat Malon and Ruto." Zelda smiles triumphantly.

"Beat them? What do you mean?" Link is completely confused.

"Of course, I proved to them that you need me, whether you like it or not." She flips her hair and walks away. 

Link groans, "I'm being punished for a past life, I know it."

  
  


A/N: It didn't go exactly as I had planned, but then again these things never do. So let me know how you liked it, or didn't like it....... ^^; Please review and I might find the courage to write more fics like this. 


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